The Wings of the Dove
If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.
Albert Camus
How strange that one would post the words of an existentialist in a blog entry entitled hope. Perhaps all is not lost, eh?
I'm actually tempted to leave it as it was (ending in those words) but perhaps I've got logorrhea (strike perhaps). I'm just not content to leave well-enough alone. Pity.
I work in a call center. I aim to end it-- Some time soon. It's not the money (I try to convince myself of this) but I am a creature who longs for comfort and routine (do we all?). And before I begin contradicting myself even more (if possible), let me say this: To Dream is the most terrifying thing I/we have done. And maybe that would be the same reason why I return to it. I have had Hope tear at my breast, and though bloody, I find my heart still beating. Silly things, hearts are. I'd be laughing if it didn't hurt so much. I have despaired at the thought of pursuing my dreams-- it can only mean suffering and, more importantly, bearing it. It can only mean taking your armour off and running naked through the streets. Ho well. I'm sure I've done it before. I just can't remember it being THIS scary. It does not mean though that I'll be a nicer person after it (maybe to exploit a few I might-- Heh heh). Nobler? I have no use for dignity if it only serves to make others feel better about treating me "humanely". I care not for human devices if they were simply made to make others feel better. I aim to please me.
Am I sad though? I definitely am. There are many I know whom I will miss terribly. There are many I know whom I'll never hear from again. Call centre life does that to you. Do I feel lucky? I don't know. I feel terrible, that much is sure. Terrified, to be exact. But there's a calming sense of finality that more than enough assures me I'm heading somewhere. At the very least, eh? I had often feared growing old in that industry. I hope I am able to finally escape it.
It feels like the end. It only means then that I'm probably right.
Albert Camus
How strange that one would post the words of an existentialist in a blog entry entitled hope. Perhaps all is not lost, eh?
I'm actually tempted to leave it as it was (ending in those words) but perhaps I've got logorrhea (strike perhaps). I'm just not content to leave well-enough alone. Pity.
I work in a call center. I aim to end it-- Some time soon. It's not the money (I try to convince myself of this) but I am a creature who longs for comfort and routine (do we all?). And before I begin contradicting myself even more (if possible), let me say this: To Dream is the most terrifying thing I/we have done. And maybe that would be the same reason why I return to it. I have had Hope tear at my breast, and though bloody, I find my heart still beating. Silly things, hearts are. I'd be laughing if it didn't hurt so much. I have despaired at the thought of pursuing my dreams-- it can only mean suffering and, more importantly, bearing it. It can only mean taking your armour off and running naked through the streets. Ho well. I'm sure I've done it before. I just can't remember it being THIS scary. It does not mean though that I'll be a nicer person after it (maybe to exploit a few I might-- Heh heh). Nobler? I have no use for dignity if it only serves to make others feel better about treating me "humanely". I care not for human devices if they were simply made to make others feel better. I aim to please me.
Am I sad though? I definitely am. There are many I know whom I will miss terribly. There are many I know whom I'll never hear from again. Call centre life does that to you. Do I feel lucky? I don't know. I feel terrible, that much is sure. Terrified, to be exact. But there's a calming sense of finality that more than enough assures me I'm heading somewhere. At the very least, eh? I had often feared growing old in that industry. I hope I am able to finally escape it.
It feels like the end. It only means then that I'm probably right.
posted by The Devil's Little Helper | 4:29 AM
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